How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
