I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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