I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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