What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
