Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
a search helicopter?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
