yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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