It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
