The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
