So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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