Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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