Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize