Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
