Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
