I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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