I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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