I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
