I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
