somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
