Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
