that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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