apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
