Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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