There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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