Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
