It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize