dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
