You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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