i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I touched a dick in church today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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