Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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