I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
