My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
