her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Houston, we have a squirter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
