I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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