I have demons in me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I understand Curling. That high.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
