hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
