I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
