Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
