I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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