i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
