i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
