not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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