we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
