Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
