why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
