Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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