I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize