oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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