i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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