went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
