he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize