Whod you bang
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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