i was born a porn star she said
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
