I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
