he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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