I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
