the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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