It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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