When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
