New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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