My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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