I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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