If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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