Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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