i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
