he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
