Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
