AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
