please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize